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“The supervisor’s responsibility is to facilitate the practitioner’s exploration of their work, not to do it for them.” Reflective Practice in Supervision, Daphne Hewson & Michael Carroll

Tom seeks support of a coach when he notices that his responsibility for the success of a team has transformed into micromanagement.

Eva, his coach, talks to a supervisor about her overwhelming need to bring value during a session that makes her offer advice. She feels responsible for Tom’s success.

Kim, a coach’s supervisor, resonates with the story so much that she takes responsibility for helping Eva, does the whole reflective work for her, so the supervisee becomes a passive beneficiary instead of reflective practitioner.

What a beautiful circle of responsibility!

When I look at the word RESPONSIBILITY from one angle, I can see a noble virtue: reliability, trustworthiness, accountability. People strive to reach it, to feel that a task is with their power, and they are capable of finding solution. It is their job to provide the answer.

The dark side of responsibility is taking away another person’s power.

When I feel you can't solve the problem on your own, I jump to save you. I look at you as a victim. I become a hero in this equation. I like being a hero. It is honorable and fulfilling. However, it is me who learns new things, moves beyond a comfort zone. You are staying in the same place. You’re not learning.

A first-order consequence of such an interaction might be even nice. I feel wonderful and you know what to do. However, a second-order consequence lingers just behind. You have not come up with these answers, they are not yours. There is a great chance you will forget about them, and your own self-created ways will take over when you are under stress or pressed for time. You will probably resort to telling people what to do instead of empowering them so they can find the answer by themselves.

The ultimate goal of supervision is to create a reflective space in which a supervisee sees things, unfolds truths for themselves, discovers patterns, grasps a hidden dynamic that hold them back from coaching.

A supervisor creates the space by:

• connecting and maintaining a safe relationship
• being curious about what is going here and now that might mirror secret powers
• showing courage while naming restrains that stand in a way to clarity
• pointing to only those patterns that a supervisee is blind to
• balancing challenge and support.

A supervisor limits the space by:

• being know-it-all
• judging
• lecturing all the time
• making a supervisee feel like an impostor
• being reluctant to talk bravely about hidden patterns and ethical issues.

The circle of dark responsibility can only be broken with trust, humility, and love.