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Have you ever found yourself saying "yes" to a project when your plate was already overflowing? Or apologizing profusely before declining a meeting? If you're nodding along (or maybe even wincing a little), welcome to the club! As women leaders, many of us have earned black belts in the martial art of stretching ourselves too thin.

The Double Bind for Women Leaders (Or: Why "Just Say No" Is Terrible Advice)

Managing time expectations is fundamentally different for women leaders.

Research shows we face the infamous "tightrope bias" – we're expected to be both competent and warm, assertive yet not "too pushy," available but not overwhelmed. It's like being told to simultaneously inhale and exhale. When we set boundaries, we risk being labeled "not a team player" – labels that somehow rarely seem to stick to our male counterparts.

Women leaders also shoulder a disproportionate load of "office housework" – those necessary but invisible tasks like mentoring junior staff, planning celebrations, or taking notes in meetings. One study found women spend about 200+ more hours annually on these non-promotable tasks than men at the same level. That's basically a part-time job you never applied for!

But here's the truth: your ability to lead effectively depends on setting clear expectations for your time. It's not selfish – it’s smart.

Strategies for Managing Time Expectations

1. Clarify Your Non-Negotiables

Get crystal clear on your highest-value activities – work that genuinely moves the needle on important objectives. Then identify the personal commitments that fuel your wellbeing – maybe it's leaving by 5:30 for your daughter's soccer games or protecting your morning workout.

Document these somewhere visible for when requests come flooding in. (And by "flooding," I mean that biblical-proportions deluge that hits your inbox every Monday morning.)

2. Communicate Boundaries Proactively

Don't wait until you're completely overwhelmed before establishing boundaries. By then, it feels like you're building a dam in the middle of a flood.

Instead, communicate your parameters before the deluge:

"I block Thursdays for focused work, so I don't schedule meetings unless there's a true emergency." (And no, running out of coffee doesn't qualify as an emergency, no matter what Kevin from accounting says.)

"I check email three times daily rather than continuously. If something is genuinely urgent, please text me."

Frame these boundaries as practices that enhance your effectiveness, not limitations that constrain your availability.

3. Perfect Your Professional "No"

Saying no is a skill that improves with practice. (Unfortunately, unlike riding a bike, it doesn't come back automatically if you haven't done it for a while.)

Instead of "I'm so sorry, but I don't think I can do that" (accompanied by that nervous laugh we all know too well), try "That's not something I can take on right now, but here's what I can do..."

Instead of "I'd love to help, but I'm swamped" (while secretly wondering if "swamped" sounds lazy), try "I need to focus on X and Y priorities right now. Could we revisit this next quarter?"

The second version is clear, confident, and doesn't come with a side of self-sabotage.

Personally, I don't work on Fridays, and I am getting better at just saying that: "Thank you for asking me. I don't work on Fridays." Amazingly, I get a lot of "oohs" and "ahhs" from people who think that's all kinds of awesome (and are maybe a little envious). And then we either figure out another day -- or we don't. And I can live with that.

4. Batch Similar Activities

Context-switching is a productivity killer. One coaching client of mine described her typical day as "death by a thousand paper cuts of interruptions." By 3pm, her brain felt like it had been put through a blender.

Take back control by:

• Scheduling your one-on-ones on the same day
• Blocking time for email rather than checking continuously (your inbox is not a slot machine that might pay out if you check it often enough)
• Creating "office hours" for impromptu questions

When you design your calendar with intentionality, you reclaim significant mental bandwidth.

5. Reframe Accessibility

Many women leaders wear their "always available" badge like a medal of honor. While responsiveness matters, being constantly available keeps you stuck in reactive mode – like a pinball bouncing from one bumper to the next.

Try reframing: "The most valuable way I can serve my team is by protecting time for strategic thinking, not by being instantly available for every question."

I’m pretty sure that even the Dalai Lama isn't available 24/7, even though his job description likely includes "being accessible to all sentient beings."

Start Small, Stay Consistent

Choose one small boundary to implement this week. Maybe it's blocking off lunch breaks (revolutionary, I know), or establishing a "meeting-free Monday morning." Protecting my work-free Fridays can sometimes feel like a full-time job – and 100% worth it.

Notice what comes up emotionally when you do this—many women feel guilt or fear of judgment. I sometimes feel selfish about my Fridays, and then I reframe selfish to mean “good, smart, and healthy for myself”.

Track the impact on your focus and energy. Let the positive results fuel your confidence to establish additional boundaries. The buzz I feel on Friday mornings knowing that the day is mine to do what I want to do (or do nothing) refuels my confidence regularly.

The most respected leaders aren't those who say yes to everything—they're the ones intentional about where they invest their time. By managing expectations around your availability, you model healthy leadership practices while dramatically increasing your effectiveness.

Your time is your most precious resource. Protect it with the same care you bring to every other aspect of your leadership. And if anyone has a problem with that, tell them you're following doctor's orders. (I'm not technically a doctor, but I'm happy to write you a prescription for fewer meetings and more boundaries!)